Started my MBA classes last Tuesday.  This is going to be a challenge, to say the least.  Nevertheless, I'm happy to be pursuing my graduate degree - just so I can shove it into everyone's worthless face.

My doctor basically told me that I'm crazy, the other day (obviously not in so many words).  She's trying to put me on some new meds that will basically make a zombie out of me.  I don't think I'm going to follow through w/ her suggestion(s). 

We haven't paid our mortgage in two months b/c we can't afford to do so.  A foreclosure is in the cards if this doesn't change.  Both car payments are two months behind as well...not to mention all other bills.  So fucked.  I honestly am very worried about finances.  There are a couple of job possibilities "out there" but nothing that will put money in the bank TODAY, hence the problem.  Again, so fucked.

I feel so worthless these days.  Always tired, moody, angry, and very very sad.  I try to "big picture" my life, and can't.  One would think I'd be writing a lot - but I'm too mentally fucked to even do that.  Worthless and sad.  Kind of gives new meaning to the lyrics I wrote for the song of the same name:

::worthless::

My face is a costume of pain

Never know the real

Smash up all that I see

Tortured forever, what's the big fucking deal

Give up on me – I'm all out

Let me go – It's all over

Quit trying to save me

I'm worthless to anyone

Nothing can help me

Nothing can make me well

I'm a nobody, a jokers joke

A fake made up nothing that's always been broke

A million pills can't fix me

Nothing will change the inevitable 

Give up on me – I'm all out

Let me go – It's all over

Quit trying to save me

I'm worthless to anyone

Nothing can help me

Nothing can make me well x2

No time for anything

All's lost but for the doubt

No time for anything

All's lost but for the doubt