This sucks.  I'm getting very down again, and it's seemingly due to the usual suspects.  My job, our financial situation, our house and the fact that we're trapped in it, my general state of lethargy...on and on.  All weekend long I was just tired.  Tired enough that I wanted to sleep every moment that I could.  Why?  I go into every Monday, hating my life because I feel guilty for taking my boys to daycare; for feeling like I wasted my weekend, and my time with them; for not doing my homework for Tuesday night, so I have to stress about that.  I get a horrible, sinking feeling every Sunday night, knowing that I have to go back to work the next day - for another five days of assholes, socially inept coworkers, a dead-end job, boredom, a minimal salary, etc.  Pretty sad that I've not even been at my job for two whole months, and I already despise it.  Not just "oh, it's a job, I'll suck it up because it's not that bad," but more like "I fucking HATE wasting my life, facing the goddamned corner, acting like I'm working and busy even though I'm not (because I finish every project within two hours of beginning my week), talking to my coworkers who refuse to even respond to me."  I seriously would rather rake my balls over a cheese grater, than come into this motherfucking job anymore.  Then I begin to think: Is this what most people say, after years and years of being at the same job?  That they just sucked it up to make a paycheck?  That they wasted their entire fucking lives doing something they hated?  I don't want to end up like that!  I've started the new rx suggestions of my Dr.s - aren't they supposed to help this sinking feeling in my soul?  Why aren't they?  All I seem to ever want to do is cower in a corner w/ my knees to my chest, in a dark room...or sleep.  I can't live like this, dreading everyday, hating my life yet loving my family so much that I don't ever want them out of my site (if only I had a "mute" button sometimes), feeling guilty, destroying myself because I have no self-esteem, slowly dying everyday at a job (any job) that I hate.  Honestly, all this shit in my head makes me physically sick sometimes.  I feel like the only way to feel better, is to vomit.  Why can't I be like everyone else, and just push this shit down in order to do what is necessary to be "happy," or at the very least...numb enough to not care anymore?